The Ups And Downs Of Marriage
by OnlyTheGoodDieYoung
Summary: How am I unsatisfying?” He demanded. “You fell asleep last night!” She glared at him accusingly. “Is it a crime to sleep in this household?” He glared back at her. "It is when we're having SEX!" "Well it didn't seem like we were!" He spat back. ShikaIno
1. Day 35

Summary: "What? How am I unsatisfying?" He asked. "You fell asleep last night!" She glared at him accusingly. "Is it a crime to sleep in this household?" He glared back at her. She replied angrily, "We were having sex!" He snorted, "Well it didn't seem like we were…" InoShika

Author's Note: I don't really know what propelled me to write this, but I'm pretty sure I got the inspiration while watching _Friends_… the one where Ross says RACHEL! HA! Anyways, I LOVE Shikamaru and Ino as a couple! They're so cute! Temari and Shikamaru are cute too- but I just can't really see them together.

* * *

**I Married A Fool**

**Chapter 1**  
Day 35

"_Ever since she was a little girl- she always assumed that with marriage, happily ever after would follow along._"

* * *

"Shikamaru? Shikamaru? SHIKAMARU! GET OVER HERE YOU LAZY JACKASS BEFORE I-"

"Why don't you scream louder, woman? I think there's a couple of families in Alaska that didn't quite hear you." A young man in his mid-twenties trudged into the room sluggishly and glared at the blonde woman who had screamed his name and cursed him multiple times. He threw himself lazily in a chair and propped his legs casually on the table.

Ino rolled her eyes and glared back at Shikamaru with equal intensity. She continued to throw him dirty looks as she began slamming the pots and pans into the sink, "Oh haha, you're so funny. Is _that_ your new name?"

"What's my new name?" He raised an eyebrow at his wife.

"Jackass," She spat out angrily, "That seems to be the only word you respond to nowadays."

Shikamaru groaned as he buried his head in his hands, "Seriously woman, what is the matter with you? Did you call me over here just to insult me?"

Ino chucked a dishtowel at him and her eyes flashed angrily, "What is the matter with _me_? I can't stand your lazy ass anymore! You don't pick up after yourself and all you do is eat and play shogi! And for the record, it's _your_ turn to do the dishes today!"

Shikamaru returned her glare, "Well what about you, woman? All you do everyday is complain, scream, and bicker with me! And what's the point in me washing those stupid dishes? You're just going to wash them over again anyways!"

"How _dare_ you!" She sputtered, "You…You… Lazy and ungrateful!"

"Shrill and demanding!"

"Slow and unsatisfying!"

"What? How am I unsatisfying!" He demanded.

"You fell asleep last night!" She glared at him accusingly.

"Is it a crime to sleep in this household now?" He glared back at her.

"It is when were having sex!" She felt a blush creep up on her cheek as she yelled at him, "Do you know how embarrassing it was for me?"

"Well, it should be embarrassing for you," He snorted, "You _put_ me to sleep!"

Ino clenched her fists together and racked her brain for a good comeback. She suddenly felt very tired- as if she just aged by twenty years.

A thought just occurred to her.

And she didn't like it.

_This is what my life is going to be like. We're going to be one of the old couples that everyone feels sorry for. We're just going to argue and argue for the rest of our lives and we're going to die fighting._

The idea of living like that terrified her. She just _had_ to do something about it.

_There's no other choice… is there?_

She let out a big sigh and stomped out of the kitchen. A couple of minutes later, she came back with a suitcase and began packing up her belongings.

"Wait- what are you doing?" Shikamaru asked, clearly in shock.

"Shikamaru, I can't keep having the same fight with you over and over again." She replied in the calmest voice she could muster, "Every single freaking day and I am sick of it! I…I don't know… maybe we…" She plopped herself on a chair and stared intently at her hands, "Maybe… we rushed into this. After all, marriage _is_ a big step… and perhaps we weren't ready yet."

He merely stared at her. After what seemed like an hour of silence, he finally said in a strange voice, "What are you implying?"

"I think… we should perhaps… get a divorce." She whispered meekly. The words seemed unreal to her. She had seen marriages break up over the most trivial things. But she never imagined it would happen to her. Ever since she was a little girl- she always assumed that with marriage, happily ever after would follow along. She just didn't understand how it could go _so_ wrong. They've known each other for so long and she thought she knew everything about him. How could their marriage turn into such a disaster?

"Disaster" is an understatement. It was more like World War IV. (Her parents claimed the title of WWIII)

She's only been married to him for 35 days and already it was over.

Ino looked up at him to see his expression. To her surprise- and perhaps a little disappointment- he didn't appear upset. He merely continued to stare at her intently. He had been preparing himself for those words for a very long time- but they still hurt him. His father always told him marriage was the hardest mission he'd ever get and that it was something he'd have to work on twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week- no exceptions. Shikamaru tried- really, he did- to make Ino happy, but nothing seemed to please her. When he did the dishes, she complained that he didn't wash them properly. When he offered to run her flower shop for a day to give her a day off, she told him he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Shika… maru?" Ino whispered timidly, "Are you okay? You haven't spoken in a while. I know this is probably a big shock for you and I'm sorry, but-"

"Oh no, no…" he shook his head and gave her a small smile. He placed his hand gently over hers, "I understand. And you're right. It's probably… for the best."

Ino smiled sadly, "Thank you."

They continued to stare at each other for what seemed like eternity.

"I guess I'll be leaving now." Ino stood up, getting ready to leave. "I think I'll stay at Sakura's for a while and-"

"No," Shikamaru said, getting up as well, "You stay… I'll go."

"No, this isn't right. I should go, it was my idea…"

"Please, Ino," Shikamaru touched her lightly on her arm, "Let me leave, it seems to be the only manly, unlazy thing I can do around here." He gave a small laugh.

Shikamaru went into the bedroom and came out a couple minutes later with a small duffel bag. "I'll be at Chouji's for the time being. I'll pick up the rest of my stuff in a week or two when I find my own place."

They stood there- in silence- facing each other.

"I guess… this is goodbye." He said.

"Yeah," she whispered as tears began to form in the corner of eyes. She tried desperately to hold them in. "I guess this is it."

"Goodbye Ino." Shikamaru said and opened the door.

"Wait-" Ino said before he left the apartment.

He turned around slowly and gave her questioningly look, "Yeah?"

"I…" Ino stammered, "I'll… miss you."

Shikamaru gave her a sad smile, "I'll miss you too."

He closed the door gently on his way out and Ino, listening to the sound of his footsteps fading, burst into tears.

**XOXO**

"Honey, it's been three weeks. You have to go talk to him."

"No, I can't!" Ino wailed to her pink-haired friend. For the past three weeks, she has been living in her pajamas and living off of ice cream and _I Love Lucy_ reruns. For the first time since… never, Ino's apartment was a mess. Ice cream cartons and tissue papers littered the floor and the shades have been drawn and windows tightly closed causing a pungent smell to form.

"If you miss him so much, why did you tell him you want a divorce?" Sakura asked gently, rubbing her friend lightly on the back.

"I…" She frowned slightly. _Why did I break up with him?_

Ino tried to think up a good reason and she _still_ couldn't come up with a legitimate one. When she went to ask for divorce papers, the lady kindly asked her what went wrong… and she couldn't come up with a proper response. She ended up bolting out of there in tears. To her relief, Shikamaru hasn't stopped by, and hasn't called about the divorce papers yet. For the past three weeks, she's been trying to write down a list of all the things she hated about him.

"I have a list!" Ino said as she scrounged under a big pile of tissues, "Here it is! Read!"

Reasons Why I Hate That Asshole:

1. He's lazy  
2. He's messy  
3. He doesn't do the dishes properly  
4. He sucks at sex  
5. He sucks in general  
6.

Sakura looked at the list incredulously, "Ino… I'm not trying to rag on you but this is the most superficial list I've ever seen!"

"Oh God I made a mistake didn't I?" Ino sobbed into her pillow, "I've lost him forever and it's all my fault!" She could barely cry anymore. She had cried so much in the past three weeks that she doubt she had any more tears to come out.

"Okay, that's it. You are _definitely_ going to talk to him." Sakura said defiantly as she opened the curtains and pulled Ino off the couch. "I don't care if I have to drag you over there. You are going to talk to him."

"What if… he's already seeing someone? What if he's gotten over me?" Panic began to fill Ino's heart.

"Trust me, if he's _half _as miserable as you are… he ain't going to be seeing anyone anytime soon."

**XOXO**

The two of them slowly made their way up the building.

"Are you sure he's staying at Chouji's place?" Sakura asked.

"I think so. He told me he was staying there until he found a place. Since he never picked up his stuff, I'm assuming he hasn't found a place yet."

"Okay, here we are." The two of them arrived at Chouji's front door. Sakura gave her friend a quick hug; "I'll wait for you downstairs in the lobby. Good luck!"

Ino gave a small smile and watched her friend disappear into the elevator.

"Okay, here goes." She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

She waited for a while, but no one answered the door.

That's strange… I thought I heard voices…

She slowly twisted the doorknob, and to her surprise- the door opened.

_That Chouji! He should really learn to lock his door. I guess old habits die hard._

Ino opened the door slowly and peeked her head inside. She gasped at what she saw. Every inch of the floor was covered with junk. There were old milk cartons, take-out food, stale pizza lying everywhere! The only space that was available was a tiny place on the couch. The TV was on and blasting music.

"Chouji? Shikamaru?" Ino called out timidly; it was pretty hard trying to beat the TV in volume.

Walking through their apartment was like trying to walk through an obstacle course. She had to step over things and maneuver herself very careful to avoid tripping.

She knocked on the first bedroom door. There was no response so she opened the door.

"Oh god…" She groaned and immediately closed the door. She just saw Chouji laying on his bed wearing only his boxers. His belly was hanging out loosely and rose up and down to the rhythm of his breathing. It was like watching a bouncing rubber ball.

She went to the second door and knocked. Again, there was no response. Ino rolled her eyes. I bet that lazy bastard is taking a nap too.

Before she could open the door- the door opened… And she was face to face with Shikamaru.

He looked very surprised to see her. "Ino… what…what are you doing here?"

"Listen, Shikamaru," Ino began, "I really need to talk to you about… us."

"Umm…" Shikamaru scratched his head; "This kind of isn't a good time right now."

"Please, this won't take very long. I just want to tell you that-" Ino paused for a moment. She had just noticed something very strange. She frowned slightly.

"Shikamaru… what's that on your neck?" She asked slowly, pointing to a big red spot below his ear.

"Oh this?" He laughed nervously, "It's just a little bruise. Chouji hit me with-"

"Is that a _hickey_?" Ino asked incredulously.

"No! NO!" Shikamaru began to panic as he saw Ino's expression turning sour.

Ino pushed open the door- to find a woman sprawled completely naked on his bed. The woman, blonde like her, gasped and quickly covered herself with a blanket.

"I…" Shikamaru began, but even he was at a loss for words.

Suddenly, Ino felt very ridiculous. So ridiculous that she wanted to laugh and punch herself for her stupidly.

Here she was, thinking that Shikamaru would wait forever for her and that she was the only woman in his heart, and coming all the way here to get back together with him while he has already moved on.

_Oh God I feel so stupid…_

Ino felt like someone had just taken a scalpel and was scraping her heart off piece by piece. Her mind was spinning out of control. She stood there- dazed- staring at the blonde woman on Shikamaru's bed, who looked very familiar. No word would come out of her mouth. She slowly turned her gaze towards Shikamaru.

"Listen," he began slowly, his voice shaking, "Just please let me explain the situation here."

Ino let out a high-pitched laugh, "There's absolutely nothing to explain! I think this scene is pretty self-explanatory. But don't worry about it!"

"What… you're… not mad?"

"Mad?" She laughed, trying to find a good explanation to cover herself up.

_Think, Ino, THINK!!_

"Why should I be?" She said rather shrilly and quickly, "Listen, I was just going to tell you that we should start seeing other people! That's all! Because I've met this great guy at… a party last week and I wanted to date him, but I thought I should talk to you about him first. But I see now… that we're both on the same page, and that's what matters!"

"Oh…" He stared at her in surprise, and she could've sworn he saw disappointment in his eyes. "Who are you seeing?"

"_That_…" Ino gave her shrill laugh again, "Is a… good question. Very good question."

No one said anything. Ino realized that he was waiting for her to say the name.

"Umm… It's… someone called…" She said slowly, "Sasuke! I'm dating someone called Sasuke! Ha! He has a name so he's real!"

"Wait- you're dating that pompous ass?" Shikamaru said incredulously.

"You know what," Ino began to walk towards the front door, "I got to go. I'm meeting… _Sasuke_."

Shikamaru followed her towards the entrance, "Wait, Ino… I…"

"Can't talk Shikamaru," Ino interrupted briskly, "I'm going on a date and I gotta make myself look sexy."

She strolled out the door- but not before popping in one more time to say, "FYI, he is _not_ a pompous ass. His ass also happens to be very pretty and firm, which is more than what I can say for _you_!" She then proceeded to slam the door in his face.

* * *

Like?  
Dislike?  
Oh, and just a quick question, do you guys want this to be a SasukexInoxShikaxTemari love square... or just Ino and Shikamaru?

PLEASE REVIEW :)

Peace out.

OnlyTheGoodDieYoung


	2. The Proposal

Yes, I am still alive :]

Sorry for the long hiatus. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

On a more random note... anyone read the book **Water for Elephants**? If you haven't, I definitely recommend it. Anyways… they're turning it into a movie starring Reese Witherspoon! Just thought I'd share that exciting piece of news with ya'll.

* * *

**The Ups and Downs of Marriage**

**Chapter 2  
**The Proposal

"_Honey, your dignity's going to fly right out the window once he findsf out you're lying to him!_"f

* * *

"I am never leaving this apartment again! I have never, _ever_ been so humiliated in my life!" Ino cried as she reached for the hundredth box of tissue. "I just felt so _stupid_ going up there and seeing him and that filthy blonde! She gives all her fellow blondes a bad name!"

"I'm sorry, honey," Sakura whispered, putting her arms around her weeping friend, "It was all my fault. I should never have forced you to go talk to him."

"No, no, it was bound to happen sooner or later," Ino sniffed, "I'm just glad I didn't tell him what I wanted to say."

"So what _did_ you say to him after you saw... her."

Ino felt her heart sink. Honestly, out of _all_ the men she could've said... she just _had_ to say his name.

"I... umm..." Ino stammered, trying to arrange the jumble of words in her head into something coherent. She turned around to face Sakura and gave a big, plastic smile, "You know what, Sakura, I feel like we've been talking about me far too much lately. What's going on with you?"

"Ino..." Sakura gave her a warning look, "What did you say to Shikamaru?"

"You know... So, any men in your life?"

"Ino! Did you tell him something you shouldn't have?"

"I... might have..." Ino replied slowly.

"It's either a yes, or a no."

"Okay fine, fine! I told him something I shouldn't have!" Ino cried, burying her head in her hands, "There! Happy now? I said it!"

"Oh God Ino! What did you say to him?"

"Okay, you have to understand that I was _desperate_!" Ino whimpered as her eyes began to fill up with tears again, "When I saw him with her I just... I don't know! I couldn't tell him what I was going to say! So I... kind of told him that..."

"You told him you were pregnant, didn't you!" Sakura gasped.

"No!" Ino gave Sakura withering look, "How desperate do you think I am? Of course no! I just told him that I was seeing something too and that we were both _on the same page_."

"And that's better?"

"Hey, at least I got to keep my dignity!"

"Honey, your dignity's going to fly right out the window once he finds out you're lying to him. Are you just going to go out... and find a random guy and date him?"

"Well... I kind of had a guy in mind already." Ino replied slowly.

"What? You gave your imaginary boyfriend a name too?" Sakura exclaimed, "Sweetie, I'm not trying to put you down and all, but this is just-"

"I told him I was seeing Sasuke." Ino blurted out.

Oops?

She didn't quite know how it happened. The words just kind of came tumbling out of her like vomit.

"Oh... My... God" Sakura stared at her friend, speechless. "I... I don't know... what... what... how... why? I... I don't understand. Sasuke? Uchiha, Sasuke? That guy? Are... are we talking about the same guy here?"

"Is your guy a pompous ass?" Ino asked.

"Okay, we're definitely talking about the same guy." Sakura gaped at her, "You're going to ask him out!"

"Well, not... seriously, anyways." Ino replied slowly, "I'm going to explain the situation to him and hopefully he'll... understand. I mean, if worse situation comes, I'll give him a little... something."

"You're going to have sex with him!"

"No! I meant money, Sakura! I'll... pay him to be my pretend boyfriend."

"You know what-" Sakura began, but a beeping sound interrupted her, "Oh sweetie, I have to go now. The hospital's beeping me in." She got up to leave, "But I'll stop by tonight to check up on you. Listen, don't do anything stupid again while I'm gone! We'll... discuss this when I get back. I'll bring by some food. You can't live off of ice cream and expired cereal forever. Oh and I'm also bringing air freshener."

"Oh, don't get the air freshener with the freaky baby picture on it! It's so weird and disturbing!"

"Yes, Ino," Sakura rolled her eyes as she headed for the door, "Babies are weird and disturbing but lying to your husband and telling him you're dating a guy you barely know and then actually to bribe the guy to be your pretend boyfriend is completely normal and sane."

**OXO**

"Shikamaru, will you just go talk to her? I'm sure she'll understand."

"No Chouji, _you_ don't understand. She's over me already. She came over to ask for my permission to date... some guy she met at a bar."

The overweight man frowned slightly, "Ino? Meeting some guy at a bar?"

"Okay, not _just_ some guy..." Shikamaru sighed as he leaned back onto his arms, "The most troublesome guy in all of Konoha..."

"Naruto?"

"Nope."

"Rock Lee?"

"Nope."

"Kiba's dog?"

"Nope- wait. What?"

"Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood here."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at Chouji's pathetic attempt at humour, "It's Uchiha, Sasuke."

"What! That guy that all the girls talk about?"

"That's the one. The one that all the girls swarm to... kind of like you on fried bacon." Shikamaru mused, slightly shocked that he could still make a joke at a time like this.

Chouji opened a bag of chips and looked up at the sky thoughtfully before replying, "You know... something just doesn't seem right."

"Hm?"

"I mean I can see Ino going into a bar and getting wasted... but with Uchiha? It just doesn't make any sense. Didn't he reject her years ago when she chased after him?" Chouji continued, "If he didn't find her attractive then I doubt he'd find her raging-emotional-hormonal-drunken side any better."

Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders, "That man is full of surprises. Who knows..."

"Wait, so _why_ were you with Temari anyways?" Chouji suddenly asked, "You don't... love her, right?"

"Hell no," Shikamaru replied quickly, "It's just that..." He paused for a moment, "I... I never thought it was going to end up like this."

"What?"

"I mean, after she told me she wanted a divorce, I guess I just didn't really... believe her. You know how Ino is sometimes and how damn troublesome she can get. I thought she was just PMSing and that this whole entire thing would blow over in a couple of days. But after the second week... she still didn't call. I began to get really worried. I went to a bar for a while and coincidentally, Temari was visiting that day and I saw her there. We got to talking and somehow... we started talking about Ino and I told her what happened... The next thing I knew, I woke up in bed next to her."

Chouji looked at his best friend, speechless.

Shikamaru buried his head in his hands, "God damn it... this is so fucking troublesome. Now Ino's got the idea that I'm dating Temari."

"Hey, Shikamaru!" a feminine voice called out to him, momentarily distracting the two men.

"Huh? What?" Shikamaru stood up and looked around, spotting someone with pink hair running towards him, "Sakura?"

She ran up, huffing and puffing for air, clutching her side, "I'm... so... glad... I... -gasp- found... -cough- you... looking... every-sneeze-where!"

Shikamaru looked dumbfound, "What? What do you need me for?"

Sakura composed herself and stood up straight, "So I can give you this."

She then promptly punched him across the face.

Of course, this wasn't just a regular punch... considering the fact that it came from Sakura.

Shikamaru fell to the ground and clutched his nose as blood poured out, "What the hell! What was that for!"

Sakura didn't say anything. She merely glared at him angrily, her eyes flashing red.

"God damn it, Shikamaru!" She yelled at him, before running off, "You're ruining everything!"

As the bloodied man tried to clean himself, he silently cursed the Sakura. "What the hell's her problem?"

Chouji, who has been silent for a while, still in shock over what just happened, finally replied, "I... think she probably heard something from Ino. They _are_ best friends, after all."

"Then why is Sakura angry at _me_? Ino is exactly where I am as far as this relationship goes."

Chouji shrugged his shoulders.

"Troublesome women... once you've met one of 'em, you've met 'em all."

**OXO**

Okay, you can totally do this. Just... remember to breath...

Ino made her way up the stairs... towards Sasuke's apartment.

She mentally prepared a speech to tell him. She was going to be totally honest with him and tell him everything... and hope for the best.

She gently knocked on his door.

"Who is it?" She heard a gloomy voice call out from inside.

"Er- it's... Ino. I need to talk to you about something." Ino replied back, her heart pounding.

The door opened slowly and Sasuke's head peeked out. "What?"

"Um... Hi, how are you?" Ino stuttered, "Nice weather we're having today, eh?"

Sasuke gave her a withering look, "Did you come here just to chitchat? Because I honestly have no-"

"No, no!" Ino quickly replied, "Nothing like that! I sort of have a... um... _favor_ to ask you."

He looked at her suspiciously, "What do you want?"

"I-made-a-really-really-stupid-mistake-with-my-exhusband-and-I-accidentally-told-him-you-and-I-were-dating-so-now-I-really-need-you-to-pretend-to-be-my-boyfriend-because-he-apparently-has-a-girlfriend-and-I-really-don't-want-to-lose-my-dignity-so-please-help-me."

"Okay"

Ino blinked and stared at Sasuke, "What did you say?"

"Okay. I'll do it."

Ino was speechless. After a few seconds, she managed to garble out some nonsense, "Wait... um... I... I don't... I don't understand. I don't... how did you- wait a minute..."

Sasuke gave her a withering look, "Do you have a speech impediment or something?"

Ino continued to stare at Sasuke in shock.

Sasuke sighed and then moved his face closer to Ino. So close that Ino could almost count his eyelashes and see the soft grey flecks in his eyes. She could feel his cool breath on her ear as he whispered to her, "I'll pick you up at seven."

He then proceeded to slam the door in her face.

Now what the hell was that about? How did- What just- He said-

Ino stood in front of Sasuke's door, at a complete loss for words.

_What the hell just happened?_

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed that!  
Thanks very much to all those who reviewed!  
Sorry if that chapter was a little slow... don't worry though, shits def. going to go down next chapter! I guarantee it! :]

**WALL OF FAME:**  
ryomaeijiarehot  
narugal  
xTerriblexIsxBeautifulx  
WolfFlowerz  
No1  
shelvesinthecloset  
DJ Juliette  
CatGirl R and S Fan  
IchigoLuva247  
Dak  
Motaro  
tine  
Blubber Nuggets  
ArAshiMitArAshi  
LM3795  
Black RRaven  
sad little monkey  
Animegal9215  
inuyashagirl22  
kiwi4me  
mellownonchalant  
jadedXelement  
MegaPig  
EmoPrincess21  
BVB BOTDF

Till next time,  
OnlyTheGoodDieYoung

P.S. Any sort of feedback is greatly appreciated!


End file.
